Stephanie Trowbridge

I wanted to crawl under the table. My first official volunteer opportunity to sit on a Board of Directors, a bucket-list item for me, was only a few months underway and I was way over my head. It was during the Covid-19 Pandemic so each member of the board sat at tables distanced from each other, upset and interrupting each other with no seeming order or professional conduct. There were board members years into serving, and then there was me, green inside and out.

The environment was did not elude positivity. Fifteen minutes after I joined, I learned of a huge upset within the organization. No one knew exactly what to do, and I didn’t even know how I was supposed to vote. Minutes into my leadership career at this organization I was making personnel altering decisions without much information.

The board seemed dysfunctional and the conduct wasn’t any better. It came to a climax where I had to decide: stay until removed or my term was up; or leave, run, bolt for the door. The latter seemed great, but deep down I knew that perseverance in this leadership opportunity would determine my future. I would stick it out. I still wanted to crawl under the table, but I had to have the guts – literally – to speak up for truth and positive conduct. (I drank calming tea during those meetings because I physically shook the entire meeting.)

For a work conference coming up, I just finished Impact Player: How to Take the Lead, Play Bigger and Multiply Your Impact by Liz Wiseman. She discusses the importance of finishing the job, the project, or the leadership opportunity. This helps create and/or demonstrate an impact player – a person who makes an impact by taking the work the extra mile, to accomplish the immediate need (although not glamorous), but which benefits the team. An impact player also knows when to take the lead and when to step back when the role is complete or ready to hand off.

I believe in most difficult projects, whether self inflicted or assigned, there is a pivotal moment when we have to decide if we are all in until its finished, or if we are going to hide under the table and run for the hills. We make the decision whether to stick it out every day in our personal lives as well. Are we going to get one more thing done on the to-do list or sit and watch our kid play sub-par sports? Are we going to go on a date with our spouse because we haven’t been connecting recently, or stay at work a bit longer because our boss validates our work? Impact players stick it out for the good of the whole and for the long-term priority or relationship.

Sometimes for our mental health and our sanity, running for the hills is the right thing to do. We have to decide what is best for us for the long term, but if fear is the core root of hiding under the table, or feeling incapable, let’s stay a little bit longer.

I knew I was over my head on the board. There was not faking it. I had not lingo to throw around to even look like I knew what I was doing. I would throughout ideas and hope something stuck. I knew I needed someone outside of the situation to mentor me. I started finding experienced people in the field and made appointments with them. This lead me to a mentor. I received a playbook for board work in this field and began crafting one for our own board.

I stepped into the vice-president role within 6-months and president role for the last two years of my term. I met with leaders, challenged the poor behavior, and was consistent. Please hear me, I was not perfect, but I was consistent. I stayed. I stayed in it and became capable.

Turns out, although I joined the board to bring a nurse perspective during the pandemic, the situation which was uncovered needed my experience around culture change. We all bring experiences to the table, whether they fit a mold or not, which can contribute.

I also trusted my gut. Although this was my first leadership experience in this field, I knew decrement is a strength of mine. During my term on the board I grew in my courage to make faster decisions by trusting my intuition.

Points to take with you:

• Choose whether to pivot and go in a different direction, or stick it out. Ask: Will this help me grow as a leader or distract me from where I am actually going?
• Find a mentor.
• Be humble – sometimes fear causes us to appear proud. We will fall fast when we use pride to cover up our insecurities and sticking it out won’t end up positive.
• Be honest about your lack of experience. Commit to learning.
• Trust your previous experiences — bring them gently to the table.
• Be consistent — prepare yourself to be even-voiced and even-tempered. If your heart starts racing quickly, review your intentions by asking these questions:
  • Do you need to be courageous right now? “Do I need to speak up right now for the good of the group?” 
  • Do you need to be quiet?  “Is my heart rate up because I am heated?”

(Next week we will talk more about when to be quiet and when to speak.)

Wherever you find yourself, whether wanting to hide under the table or striving to stick it out until the end, I encourage you to dig into your motives. What do you need in this moment to help you move forward? Go find someone to talk to about it all. Being courageous in any area takes support. Courage can propel us forward when we are vulnerable with a peer, mentor or friend.

We can be courageous, then find capability when we choose to stick it out.

-ST

-Coming soon, I will be offering coaching in 2024.