Day 12 –
Psalm 27:14 Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again; Stay with God.
I was reminded recently about a loss I sustained over the course of a year. I lost a good friend, someone I called a sister. Like every close relationships there are ups and downs. The ups are supposed to outweigh the downs as a stronger bond is formed. But, for me then the downs overtook the ups, the relationship fell apart.
The grief of the loss changed me. I see other friends go through friend loss and I am reminded how fragile we humans can be sometimes. We are imperfect people attempting to have perfect relationships. I remember being anxious and constantly reviewing what I did wrong or what went wrong. I revisited conversations and tones of voice. I lost hope in having close friends and I pulled away. It still takes time for me to trust a new friend.
We were not made to be alone. My grandad just blogged yesterday about after losing my grandmother he become really busy and reoccupied with moving on with life. When he slowed down he realized he was lonely. This happens for me as well. I work and work and the instant I slow down, I can become lonely.. I get disappointed easily by what I think I should have.
When loneliness hits me I begin to think God is far away from me too. When I am hurt by a friend, I pull away. I again pull away from God because I’m afraid of being disappointed. I translate my friend failure to a failure in relationships, even as close to a perfect one as I can experience: a perfect God and an imperfect girl.
I am easily anxious when I feel alone. I remind myself about the amazing friends I do life with and spend time keeping my heart and expectations. in balance. Previous grief has matured me in how much I rely on those friendships. I am still learning to trust.
The psalmist David penned these words. “Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again. Stay with God.”
So I say it to myself and I say it to you, stay with God. Even when our human imperfect relationships run us over and knock us down, God does not change. He may seem distant, but he is right there. We push away and we become distant and turn it on God as if it’s his fault. We do this to protect ourselves from disappointment. But, God, has yet to disappoint me when I remember I’m imperfect and He is God. He shows up when I am willing to be vulnerable to allow him to be with me.