Day 23 –
I was on my way to a massage appointment this afternoon when I was stuck behind a slow moving truck. Talk about irritating. I wanted to be on-time for my appointment. No matter how keen I am on illuminating hurry from my life, this was not the moment to work on it. I’ll find a slow truck another time to practice this way of living.
It stuck me in my frustration how much I dislike the word “time”.
I like to be on-time.
I don’t have enough time.
I have more goals on my to-do list than time allows.
If only time stood still.
Where did the time go?
What time is it?
We use the word “time” for so many things. For me, the word has became negative. I do not want to miss a thing. I rush from one thing to another hoping I won’t be wherever I am in life too long. I often will enjoy what is going on in the moment and two seconds later be scurrying to the next moment because I ran out of time.
In the practice of eliminating hurry from my life I think I need to reframe the word “time”. Time on a clock has no emotion. It has no feelings. It can easily be spent and it can easily be enjoyed. It’s my choice how I view it.
My roommate my freshman year of college was so annoyed by how many times I checked my watch during breakfast. I never wanted to be late to class. (If you had the teacher I had, you would understanding why.) I unconsciously checked my watch constantly. My roommate challenged me to go without my watch. This was before cell phones were cool and were carried everywhere. I took her up on the challenge and stopped wearing a watch in hopes I could learn how to just be present in the moment. I did not wear a watch for years, but I picked up my old ways as soon as I had a phone.
A clock is useful for order. It can help me remember to pick-up my children from school. It wakes me up even when I don’t want to be awake. Although useful, a clock cannot tell me how to spend my time or reprimand me for having a few moments to nothingness in the middle of my day. A clock does not hold me to the hope of eliminating hurry from my life.
Today, my to-do list goals were greater than my capacity to accomplish. Instead of hurrying, I just hung out with my kiddo. She helped me make some food, prep some cookie dough, do dishes, and then we did the same puzzle four times while watching part of a movie. We played and worked until it was time to go get her sister. It was lovely. I stopped attempting to cram in everything I could.
I am pleased to say I had my first successful elimination of hurry! It felt good to spend my time focusing on someone rather than on the list. It was a lovely afternoon and something we both needed. Intervention: “time” can be positive and I have the power to change the way I think about it.
Today was a win!